well, I am back in the US, back in my sweet little house, back laying around with my sweet little dogs, making oatmeal in the morning, talking english, going to the grocery store where you don’t have to ask someone for what you want. I have been enjoying the solitutude and calm atmosphere of my life here. it has helped me with my transition. i try to stay in the present and love what i have here: my dogs, my friends, my garden, the mountains, good water, clean air. i realized i still carry my aversion to water. in iran, i dreaded drinking the water because it tasted so bad. i could taste the heavy metals and no one knew what i was talking about. they were so used to. my family plans on getting it tested but just like everything else there, the testing system is corrupt. the government doesn’t care about improving the water for the people. it would mean that the government would have to go out of their way to do something. so today, i drank some water and i was so surprised. it tasted like nothing. i couldn’t believe it. i finished my whole bottle. today i also drove out to the colombia river gorge to go hiking. i drove in my lane, feeling secure that i just needed to pay attention to what i was doing in my lane. it was easy. i was relaxed sitting behind the wheel. it was not like in iran, where the driver is completely alert, sometimes gripping the wheel tightly, eyes and ears completely open, ready for anything coming from any directions. in iran there may be 3 lanes on the road, but these 3 lanes will accomodate 4 cars sometimes 5 if there is a shoulder on one side. cars pass by each other with inches to spare, its passengers getting a close look into the happenings of the car, boys making eye contact with the girls and vice versa. it becomes a very intimate affair. sometimes dangerous, but always lively. it is not like here where as you sit in your car, you are in your own bubble. there is no bubble surrounding a car in iran. its windows are down, the back seat packed, sometimes people hanging out the window, the music loud, and everyone is checking everyone else out. sometimes cursing each other out. even though it is stressful to drive there, there are no restrictions and rules. there is looseness in the tension. you can pull out and block traffic, you can cut in front of people, everyone works together for traffic to move forward. so i drove today down the highway. i didn’t make eye contact with anyone and if i had, i would have pretended not to. i stayed in my lane and signalled when i wanted to change. i merged with others safely.
i got to the trail and it was beautiful. so serene and peaceful. there was no trash littering the sides of the river. but there also were no families picnicing along its sides. there were no kids running in and out of the water, no stoves with food being cooked, no young 20 somethings doing the rounds, no music playing. so i went on with my hike, only saying hi as i passed by others. it was a very solitary experience. it was good because i needed the solitude after a month of none but i don’t know how much more i will need. sitting by the waterfall, i enjoyed it for what it was, beautiful and pristine. and so so quiet. i drove home listening to persian music in the car, a favorite traditional iranian singer of mine whose lyrics are the poetry of Rumi. with the sitar setting the stage, he sang about the liminal space between this world and the spiritual world, about how to relay an experience that has no words, that can not be portrayed for someone else. it was so beautiful that i had goose bumps on my entire body.